please don't leave me

I need to be honest. I miss you. I don't even know how to put into words the feelings I have rushing around inside of my body. I miss being with you. I miss laughing with you. I miss talking with you. I miss laying with you. I miss touching you. I miss kissing you. I miss you.

You know how when it rains, like it is right now, you can always imagine the sunshine? The time when the clouds are going to clear up, the skies turn blue, the grass dries, and every trace of gray is chased away -- I'm beginning to think that day may never come with you and I. And it's killing me inside.

I don't understand what else I have to say or do to prove my worth to you. And then I lay in bed at night, my thoughts in surround sound, and my mind is telling me, "Amanda, why do you have to prove yourself anymore? You've given all of yourself and if he doesn't see that, then he isn't worth the pain." And that's when the tears start to flow. Then my heart goes, "But I've fallen for him." And there goes my good night's rest.

I am 99.9% certain that you are not feeling the way I am. And so a part of me feels like a fourteen year-old child, being obssesed with a boy that isn't paying her any attention. But I never was that way, not even when I was fourteen. I have never been obssesed with a boy and I don't think that I started such a habit at eighteen.

I have always prided myself on being good with words. And here I sit, not knowing how to put verbs and adjectives to my emotions. I feel confused and disoriented. I feel hurt and betrayed. I feel naive and foolish. And those words don't do any justice to my true feelings. I feel like they don't even scratch the surface.

Please help me out here baby. Please tell me what you want. Please just be straight-up and honest. That's all I ask of you. I'm not asking you to tell me what I want to hear. I'm asking you to help me. I'm asking you to put yourself in my shoes -- just for a moment. Imagine what we've gone through...but from my position. I think it speaks volumes that I'm still here, that I still want you back.

I want to be the one.

peace
AJ