i'm beginning to find my place here. this place where the temperature hardly ever rises out of the teens. where blue skies are scarce. where train whistles blow every hour. where my heart is starting to be at peace.
goshen. this isn't pennsylvania. but this is starting to become home. i'm cultivating relationships; they're in their beginning stages but i have hope. this monumental belief, that this will all get better in time. i can only keep putting one foot in front of the other. i can only take this one day at a time. i can only pray that this all turns out in the end.
yeah, i may have made some mistakes in my first few weeks here, but i've also made some of the best choices. i have met amazing people. i have met people that are like me in every way. funny. loyal. loud. a little weird. a lot crazy. honest. adventerous. i've also met people that i aspire to be. people that i look at and go, "wow, i wish that i could be like that."
i feel blessed to be here. though i have days where i wake up and think about how much i would rather just curl up in a hole and never wake up -- i take a breath and think, "well amanda, this is life. suck it up and get over it." and so it goes. i'm here long-term. i'm not going to quit this time around. i'm stronger this time. i may not be wiser, but i have the ability to stand on my own two feet. i can do this. and it feels damn good. i feel liberated.
to all those that doubt me -- watch me prove you wrong.
to all those that say i can't -- don't hold your breath.
to all those that try to bring me down -- bitch, step aside.
i can't wait.
peace and love
aj
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