insomnia

1:43 am . no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't fall asleep. then it hit me. i have to write. i forgot what that felt like. to have the sudden desire to sit down and put words together. to form a sentence. to construct a picture with verbs and adjectives. i love it. i am a little disappointed that this revelation hit me this early in the morning...especially when i have a class in seven hours. the life of a college student i assume.

today i had a conversation with my roomie. a conversation that surprised me. we talked about things that i don't talk about with hardly anyone. i told her some personal things that i rarely share with people. some of my inner thoughts. though it didn't last long, though it wasn't overly detailed -- i felt strangely good afterwards. i felt like i had released something that was eating me up inside. and i think i need to continue to have these kind of conversations with people.

college life is beginning to become a rountine for me. and i don't know how i feel about that. i think i don't like it. acutally, i think i strongly dislike it. i'm not sure what i'm going to do about it yet, but knowing me, i'll come up with something.

i think i'm going to try something new. i think i'm going to try and post something on here everyday. i'm going to stretch myself. i have no idea how i'm going to make this work, but damnit, i'm gonna do it. today is offcially Wednesday, February 3, 2010 -- so my next post will be on Thursday, February 4, 2010. i can do this. i am making a commitment to myself. i need to start writing again, at least for myself.

and now i apologize for talking about things that don't relate to one another in the slightest bit. it's early in the morning and my brain just isn't functioning properly. it will be better tomorrow. promise.

peace and love
aj